Since anyone with a modicum of intelligence can calculate that the odds of being harmed by a 'terrorist attack' are in the same ballpark as winning the National Lottery Jackpot two weeks running, just how is our behaviour supposed to change with a 'raised warning level'?
Are we perhaps supposed to pay 10% more attention to bearded males carrying rucksacks - or maybe 22.5% more? - something like that? - I think we should be told.
Anyway in the interests of doing my bit to counter this latest threat level warning so-to-speak, here is a little piece that I'm told first made the rounds at about the time this 'calibrate the Sheeple fear level for purposes yet to become clear' charade of terrorist threat levels first started. It's posted by way of a tonic on the premise that, since you can do bugger all else about their ridiculous patronising crap, you might as well have a damn good laugh at them - and let them know it.
So, with due apologies for the smug Anglo-Saxon stereotypes, here goes:
It appears that the English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved'. Soon, though security levels may be raised yet again to 'Irritated' or even 'A Bit Cross'. Londoners have not been 'A Bit Cross' since 'the blitz' in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from 'Tiresome' to a 'Bit of a Nuisance.' The last time the British issued a 'Bit of a Nuisance' warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide.' The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate.' The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert: Italy has increased the alert level from ' Shout Loudly and Excitedly' to 'Elaborate Military Posturing.' Two more levels remain: 'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides.'
The Germans also increased their alert state from 'Disdainful Arrogance' to 'Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.' They also have two higher levels: 'Invade a Neighbour' and 'Lose.'
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.